took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
