I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
