Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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