if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
