I just saw a hot homeless man
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
