her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
