There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
