you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
