I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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