I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
