Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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