Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...