We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?