You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....