Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible