one might say we're banned from that church
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?