the condom got lost in my hair
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!