No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
did i walk over a car last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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