so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
