He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
