Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
