Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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