Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
