Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.

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(520): View more from Arizona

Clearly I made an impression.

(404): View more from Georgia

Or at least your vagina did.

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(208): View more from Idaho

When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.

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(305): View more from Florida

Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.

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(807): View more from Ontario

id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.

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(305): View more from Florida

She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf

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