would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
