I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
