I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
