I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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