four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
