Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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