I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
