first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
