CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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