WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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