I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
