i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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