Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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