Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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