my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Your cock deserves a montage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
