I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
