she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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