he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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