the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
