It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
