where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
