Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
