The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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