So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
