so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
