I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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