Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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