I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
