3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
