i was born a porn star she said
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize