someone threw a dead crab at me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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