so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
