I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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