woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have fence marks all over my body
The power of my boobs compel you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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