how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NoShamevember. You game?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
