i would punch a child for taco bell
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
