Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
