also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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