I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
