I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
