hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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