is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
