Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
