I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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