Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
