Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm sobbing to NWA
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
