we have pet lesbian snakes
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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