Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
