There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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