At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
