I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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